Sex Therapy
Bill & Gemma
Bill (48) and Gemma (45) were visibly uncomfortable when they entered my office. Gemma was the first to offer what it was that brought them there. “As soon as my head hits the pillow, he wants to have sex,” sighed Gemma. She continued, “We have two needy kids, a hyper bull terrier and busy careers. By the end of the day, I barely have enough energy to brush my teeth”.
Bill complained that Gemma never has “time” for him anymore. “We used to do it all the time, now I’m lucky if I get it once a month, and even then, I feel like she is doing me a favor. Gemma then added, I feel like we are in a downward spiral and this is heading no where good; we need help.”
John
John, a good looking, unkempt 35 year old, started his story with hesitation, until it came spilling out of him like the long held secret it was. “Sex is my reason to live, there is nothing else worth doing in my life,” blurted John. He went on to recount how his boss caught him at the office checking out porn sights. Then he one-upped it. At his niece’s one year old birthday party, he snuck off to his sister’s home office to log on to his “favorite” sites, only to be discovered by his brother-in law.
In response to my questions, I learned that John has not had a steady relationship in the last three years because he gets bored and constantly needs new partners. “Having my family find out about my issues is the final straw. I need help,” stammered John.
Dan & Jim
I found Dan (38) and Jim (35) in the waiting room of my office smiling and speaking softly to each other. When they entered my office, they did so in palpable solidarity. Jim began; we care deeply for each other, he stated emphatically, and then proudly added, we have been together for almost a decade. Dan nodded enthusiastically.
To move things along, I had to ask, “So what brings you here today?” They both looked like the cat that ate the canary. Dan stammered, they both love sex, but lately it has gotten stale. He and Jim wanted to spice things up, to borrow a phrase, to rediscover the “joy in sex.”
They wanted to know, could I help?
Developing Strategies for a Better Sex Life
While it may not always be easy to bring up the topic of sexual concerns, they are more frequent than we are led to believe. Between 35 and 50 percent of people will experience a long-term sexual issue at some point, according to Dr. Derek Polonsky, a psychiatrist associated with Harvard Medical School.
Yet so many of us are in the dark when it comes to sex, left to rely on our media intake that has its own fictionalized and often unattainable versions of what sex should be.
As a qualified sex therapist, I help my clients by teaching them methods for improving their sex lives. In sessions we will work on developing communication skills and learning methods to (re)discover the joy and playfulness in sex.
The reasons that bring someone to my office to seek sex therapy are varied and can include disparity in sexual desire to out of control sexual behavior. (See carousel below for issues that can be addressed by a sex therapist.) Depending on their concerns, some of my clients come alone, some with a partner.
Whatever the reason someone seeks my assistance, my approach is sex- positive, not just helping with pain or struggles, but improving sex lives and amplifying eroticism.
I support and am non-judgmental about consensual sexual interests.
Sex Therapy Can Help…
Disparity in Sexual Desire/Lack of Desire
Inhibition from Religious and Cultural Taboos
Illness such as chronic conditions; painful intercourse
Inability to achieve orgasm; maintain an erection or premature ejaculation
Disinterest in having Sex after Overwhelming Life Events such as having children or infidelity
Out of Control Sexual Behavior (OCSB)
Paraphilia — the experience of intense sexual arousal to atypical objects, situations, fantasies, behaviors, or individuals
Eva Dillon’s Groups
Ms. Dillon co-leads an eight week group for couples experiencing low desire or frequency and/or desire discrepancy who are interested in enhancing their sexual relationship.
The content of the group is based on the work of the Optimal Sexual Experiences Research Team of the University of Ottawa. Find more information at www.optimalsexualexperiences.com.
This eight week course is currently offered via zoom.
Sexual activity is NEVER a part of your actual therapy session. In no instances will a Certified Sex Therapist engage in any sexual activity with a client, whether in the office or any location.